Tag Archives: challenges

Reflections On The Apocalypse

My journey towards a year of really listening to my body and practicing radical self care began with a bang on Dec 21, 2012, which just happened to coincide with the end of an age in the Mayan Calender, that infamous date you may remember, had been heralded as the apocalypse.

I was at an epic Christmas party that night, performing on stage then staying with some friends for dinner and drinks when I started to feel like something wasn’t quite right with my insides… I dragged my husband out of there, and sped home knowing that once things started, there would be no stopping until my entire body was emptied of whatever was offending it.

I barely made it home, and proceeded to spend the next few hours in a process of ‘enlightenment’… Without being graphic, just know that I certainly felt a lightness and a spaciousness at the end of the process.

As I lay on my bathroom floor, exhausted and wrung out, I felt completely safe, and oddly peaceful. It was quite unlike the last time I had experienced something of this nature, when I wound up taking a trip to the ER in an ambulance wearing an adult diaper, needing shots of Gravol and IV fluids. This time, I knew that as soon as I was cleaned out… I would be OK on my own.

The whole time this was happening, the symbolism of being cleaned out and purified was vividly in my mind and I meditated on the real meaning of the apocalypse on that day. I had been looking forward to Dec 21st, 2012 for sometime, as I felt it was a doorway in time we were passing through, after which things would change. I wasn’t worried it was the end of the world as so many alarmists predicted but rather, I had a feeling it was to be the end of the world as we know it. I’m not gonna lie, that R.E.M song was in my head the whole time. I later learned that the root  of the Greek ‘apokalupsis’ , means revelation, or to uncover. All the new age-y spiritual texts I had been reading, as well as my own intuition told me it really was going to be the beginning of a new energy here on earth, into a new era of consciousness. What I didn’t realize was just how personal this journey would be.

I wound up purging from me physically, energetically and spiritually things that were no longer serving me that night and the process continued throughout the year. I felt so peaceful and light the next day, I didn’t want to mess up that feeling, so I became really careful about what I was putting in my body. The night of the party, I had eaten lots of things that I knew my body doesn’t really love: sugar, dairy, wheat, and some fish that tasted funny, but I didn’t spit out, cause I didn’t want to be rude. It was basically a disaster  waiting to happen, and the revelation that came to me through that was that I needed to lighten up and listen to what my body was telling me.

I spend the week after that dramatic night really enjoying my new found attention to my body and it’s desires, so I decided to make a practice and a project out of it. I spent the year listening to my body and it had quite a lot to say. Looking back I clearly see the magic of the solstice as well as that whole Armageddon energy at work here. Whatever you put your attention on during the solstice is what will be created during your year. I didn’t sew these seeds of intention consciously, but the organic timing of nature and the universe was certainly working through me here.

I’m not sure if my year was technically up on Dec 22nd or if it will be January 1st, 2014, but it doesn’t matter because it turns out it wasn’t a short term project with a final date of completion. It was really more the start of a lifelong journey of conscious co-operation, communication and honesty with myself.  It’s made my life so much better, in practically every way. I’m healthier, more peaceful and having more fun than I could have imagined by living in harmony with my body, mind and soul, connecting more deeply with my own inner wisdom every day. Sure it’s been kind of a pain in the butt sometimes, but the gifts that have come into my life have been so rewarding they’ve more than made up for whatever challenges I’ve faced.

by Cadencia Photography

Honestly, I couldn’t be happier with what my apocalypse revealed.

Desire and Destiny- Another 21 Day Meditation Experience

Deepak Chopra and Oprah Winfrey
Deepak Chopra and Oprah Winfrey

So Hum.

Our first mantra in this 21 Day Meditation Experience with Deepak and Oprah.

While it might sound like a statement of boredom or existential ennui, this mantra was more like a rocket ship to inner space exploration.

I’ve used it before, as have millions of people for thousands of years, meaning that those two little words carry an incredible power within them.

It means, I am.

The centering though Deepak offered as an additional layer of focus was: I am my deepest desire.

Then he asked the question ‘Who are you?”

He offered us a moment to consider this before introducing the mantra, and the very first thing that popped into my head was ‘I am that which is love’.

As Deepak mentioned, there is no right or wrong answer to the question of your own personal identity, but I know it’s something many of us have struggled with. Sometimes we use the labels we have in our lives to answer. I know as a teenager I liked to use the Meridith Brooks song Bitch with the lyrics “I’m a bitch, I’m a lover, I’m a child, I’m a mother, I”m a sinner, I’m a saint, I do not feel ashamed!” I love the song because it sums up our unity with all that is within all the messy contradictions contained in a human life.

As I was listening to Deepak’s introduction, I had immediately started sinking into a meditative state. It was like my whole being just couldn’t wait for the meditation to begin. By the time we officially began, I was already deep into altered state of consciousness.

I’m not sure what meditation feels like for anyone else, but once I’ve dropped in, quieted and focused my mind, I feel electric currents of energy running through me. There is a feeling of pressure on my third eye and crown, and I feel warm, tingly, fuzzy and incredibly alive.

As I repeat the mantra, So Hum, gently, slowly, just speaking the words in my mind, I begin to feel I am the witness to what is occurring in my mind. My consciousness is not what is repeating the mantra, my mind is, and I am observing it, yet I am in control of it as well. I keenly feel the difference between my mind (which is the unique combination of my physical brain and my soul) and my eternal spirit.

With many years of experience working in these altered states of consciousness, I have a few tools to take the meditation deeper, to another level, fusing it with energy work and personal healing.

I began running energy though my body in a microcosmic orbit. At first I have to consciously move the energy with my breath at first, but then it takes on a life of it’s own and my concentration on it is no longer required. This practice is used in all kinds of energetic disciplines, like reiki, chi gong and tantra. This accumulates energy within the body, and I believes it cleanses and cleans out your physical form.

I can feel my consciousness expanding outside of my body, and my awareness is sitting about half a foot above my head. I can feel myself inhabiting my whole auric field, and I bring my focus to my light body. Since my LBL hypnotherapy, I can easily connect with my higher self  and feel the sparkly blue, purple and white energy that radiates from my core. Sitting in my light body, I feel tangibly connected to my whole self.   I know who I am. This human body is a part of me, as I am part of it, but it is not all of me. It does not define me or limit me. I am here, inhabiting it in order to have a human experience. In order to feel the joy, pain  and freedom of expression of being in a physical form on this plane, at this time, in this dimension.

I am what I am. An eternal being of light, who came from the divine source which is only love in order to be an individual unique expression to add to the beauty and complexity of all that is. I exist to learn, grow, play, experience and to love. I choose to be here, right now in order to do those things on Earth.

My deepest desire is to love and to serve using my talents and gifts. These are to help you remember who you are, and to support you on your mission. In order to do that, I want to help you take very good care of yourself, because you are also an amazing, radiant being of light here on a mission to love, learn and grow. I want you to know without a shadow of a doubt just how awesome you are. This is my destiny.

So Hum.

I have been repeating the mantra in my mind as my consciousness has been playing in layers of mysteries and understanding.

That is the beauty of meditation. It’s not just about focusing the mind, that’s just the first step which quiets the mind so you can hear your soul, feel the universe speak, see the spark of divinity that resides within you and know who you truly are.

Photo by Cadencia Photography

New Challenge: Kicking It Up A Notch

A video kicked my butt for about 6 minutes today. It involved sweating, moaning, groaning, gasping for air and flopping like a bowl of microwaved Jello on the floor after it was over.

Then I hit repeat and did it again (twice).

Why you ask?

Well, it’s been a long time since I challenged myself physically. I’ve gotten into the groove of my daily yoga/movement mediation practice  and I’ve definitely gained lots of strength and flexibility this year, but I’ve been feeling like kicking things up a notch lately (yes, this is an Emeril reference, BAM!)



I started incorporating more strength work into yoga about two weeks ago, and it’s been satisfying to feel the difference in my muscle tone already. I was pondering doing more, but between work, hoop dance, classes and the downtime I crave, I wasn’t sure where to fit it in. I contemplated going for a run, but the fact that winter is around the corner has deterred me. Not to mention, I’ve never been a huge fan or running. So what then? I don’t want to go to the gym. I know me. I won’t make time. I can barely make it out the door to a yoga class.

Then today, someone on my facebook posted a link to  a site called The DailyHiit,  full of free Hiit (High Intensity Interval Training) workouts. Thank you whoever you are (I didn’t go back to look).  They post videos for every day of the week.

The video that had me moaning and flopping today was a ‘Surprise Your Body’ Ab workout.

It was awesome. I’ve done some Hiit workouts before. I know they’re the most effective way of training, and I love the fact that you can be done and over with your work out in 12-20 minutes. I also love that you don’t need any equipment. They do have a few things you can use (and order from them) like a sandbag, weights or timer, but you can do the workouts without them.

So this is my new challenge. Adding some Hiit into my day, along with my 30 minutes of yoga.

I am so ready for this. I wouldn’t have been 6 months ago, but here I am. I want to feel stronger. I want to have more muscle definition again, and I want to break through this plateau I’ve had with my body for about a year. I’ve been in great shape before, (when I was in trampoline and tumbling), but that was years ago.  I used to have strangers stop me to remark on my leg muscles back then. I want that feeling of strength and mastery back.

I know the stronger my body feels, the more capable I feel. Also, muscles amp up your metabolism, so once I have more of them, I can eat more chocolate, yay!!!!

I don’t see the downside. I may tomorrow morning when I’m again moaning and groaning, gasping for air and feeling the burn, my face matching the color of this amazing 80’s workout My Little Pony.


By SeismicNewton ccby3.0
By SeismicNewton ccby3.0




Adventures With Superfoods!!!


On my way back from Astral Harvest Music Festival I wound up eating nothing but chocolate for lunch. A lot of chocolate, like… 3 bars of chocolate. It was my consolation prize after  waiting an hour for my  meal at the Boston Pizza in Slave Lake, and then sending it back because it was so nasty. It was supposed to be a simple burger, hold the bun, with a side salad. Nothing complicated, but for some reason said burger tasted like a microwaved breakfast sausage patty.  As I didn’t have time to replace the meal, I thought we’d just stop at 7-11 to grab something on the way, leading me to a big Cadbury’s Milk Chocolate bar (the other 2 came later on the drive).

As you can imagine, I didn’t feel that proud of my chocolate for dinner choice after the fact, but my body handled it like a champ. As a thank you for not rebelling against the sugar and dairy, I decided to treat it to a week of superfoods!  Although it’s been awhile since I’ve challenged myself in the nutrition department, my daily choices have been consistently healthier than they were at the start of the project. I’ve been making green smoothies, eating 95% whole foods and feeling pretty good about it, but there’s always room to kick it up a notch!

used under creative commons license
used under creative commons license

For the challenge, I decided to see if I could go a whole week only eating “superfoods”. My definition of superfood is basically just any food that is nutrient dense. The more vitamins, minerals and phytochemicals, the better!
Over the course of the week, I’ve discovered that I already eat tons of amazing superfoods. I usually just also added in some junk so really my strategy was just to replace that 5-10% of my diet that was sub optimal with something SUPER!

I’ve been eating crap tons of things like walnuts, almonds, berries, veggies of all kinds, spinach, wild salmon, avocado, coconut oil, hummus, etc. I have expanded the definition of superfood to include Bacon.

cookbookman17 cc by 2.0
cookbookman17 cc by 2.0


Why? Because it’s super too. It’s a soul food

I’m pretty sure it has magical powers and I’m not just saying that because it’s cool to fetishize bacon right now.

Speaking of magic superfoods, I’ve also found a new breakfast powerhouse of awesome that I should share with you as well!

Overnight Oats! These have changed my life. I’m so happy to dig in that I’ve been rushing through yoga in the morning just to shove these in my face! Here are a few more examples from Kathy Eats Real Food and The Oatmeal Artist.

My personal recipe so far has been:

1/3 cup of rolled oats

2/3 cup of nut milk (I’ve used soy, almond and coconut so far)

1/2 serving of Vega chocolate all in one nutrition powder

2 tsp coconut flakes

handful of chopped walnuts

1 Tbs raw cacao powder

Mix together in tupperware , and let sit covered overnight in fridge.

In the morning, if I’m feeling fancy I’ll occasionally add some chopped banana or blueberries, but I usually don’t bother.
This high protein superfood packed breakfast bomb is making me so happy! It’s great for the mornings when a green smoothie just isn’t enough!

So the moral of the story is: You never know where a chocolate binge might lead you so go ahead and have that second bar. Without it, superfood week wouldn’t exist and you might not know about life-changing overnight oats!