My journey towards a year of really listening to my body and practicing radical self care began with a bang on Dec 21, 2012, which just happened to coincide with the end of an age in the Mayan Calender, that infamous date you may remember, had been heralded as the apocalypse.
I was at an epic Christmas party that night, performing on stage then staying with some friends for dinner and drinks when I started to feel like something wasn’t quite right with my insides… I dragged my husband out of there, and sped home knowing that once things started, there would be no stopping until my entire body was emptied of whatever was offending it.
I barely made it home, and proceeded to spend the next few hours in a process of ‘enlightenment’… Without being graphic, just know that I certainly felt a lightness and a spaciousness at the end of the process.
As I lay on my bathroom floor, exhausted and wrung out, I felt completely safe, and oddly peaceful. It was quite unlike the last time I had experienced something of this nature, when I wound up taking a trip to the ER in an ambulance wearing an adult diaper, needing shots of Gravol and IV fluids. This time, I knew that as soon as I was cleaned out… I would be OK on my own.
The whole time this was happening, the symbolism of being cleaned out and purified was vividly in my mind and I meditated on the real meaning of the apocalypse on that day. I had been looking forward to Dec 21st, 2012 for sometime, as I felt it was a doorway in time we were passing through, after which things would change. I wasn’t worried it was the end of the world as so many alarmists predicted but rather, I had a feeling it was to be the end of the world as we know it. I’m not gonna lie, that R.E.M song was in my head the whole time. I later learned that the root of the Greek ‘apokalupsis’ , means revelation, or to uncover. All the new age-y spiritual texts I had been reading, as well as my own intuition told me it really was going to be the beginning of a new energy here on earth, into a new era of consciousness. What I didn’t realize was just how personal this journey would be.
I wound up purging from me physically, energetically and spiritually things that were no longer serving me that night and the process continued throughout the year. I felt so peaceful and light the next day, I didn’t want to mess up that feeling, so I became really careful about what I was putting in my body. The night of the party, I had eaten lots of things that I knew my body doesn’t really love: sugar, dairy, wheat, and some fish that tasted funny, but I didn’t spit out, cause I didn’t want to be rude. It was basically a disaster waiting to happen, and the revelation that came to me through that was that I needed to lighten up and listen to what my body was telling me.
I spend the week after that dramatic night really enjoying my new found attention to my body and it’s desires, so I decided to make a practice and a project out of it. I spent the year listening to my body and it had quite a lot to say. Looking back I clearly see the magic of the solstice as well as that whole Armageddon energy at work here. Whatever you put your attention on during the solstice is what will be created during your year. I didn’t sew these seeds of intention consciously, but the organic timing of nature and the universe was certainly working through me here.
I’m not sure if my year was technically up on Dec 22nd or if it will be January 1st, 2014, but it doesn’t matter because it turns out it wasn’t a short term project with a final date of completion. It was really more the start of a lifelong journey of conscious co-operation, communication and honesty with myself. It’s made my life so much better, in practically every way. I’m healthier, more peaceful and having more fun than I could have imagined by living in harmony with my body, mind and soul, connecting more deeply with my own inner wisdom every day. Sure it’s been kind of a pain in the butt sometimes, but the gifts that have come into my life have been so rewarding they’ve more than made up for whatever challenges I’ve faced.
Honestly, I couldn’t be happier with what my apocalypse revealed.