Monthly Archives: December 2013

Reflections On The Apocalypse

My journey towards a year of really listening to my body and practicing radical self care began with a bang on Dec 21, 2012, which just happened to coincide with the end of an age in the Mayan Calender, that infamous date you may remember, had been heralded as the apocalypse.

I was at an epic Christmas party that night, performing on stage then staying with some friends for dinner and drinks when I started to feel like something wasn’t quite right with my insides… I dragged my husband out of there, and sped home knowing that once things started, there would be no stopping until my entire body was emptied of whatever was offending it.

I barely made it home, and proceeded to spend the next few hours in a process of ‘enlightenment’… Without being graphic, just know that I certainly felt a lightness and a spaciousness at the end of the process.

As I lay on my bathroom floor, exhausted and wrung out, I felt completely safe, and oddly peaceful. It was quite unlike the last time I had experienced something of this nature, when I wound up taking a trip to the ER in an ambulance wearing an adult diaper, needing shots of Gravol and IV fluids. This time, I knew that as soon as I was cleaned out… I would be OK on my own.

The whole time this was happening, the symbolism of being cleaned out and purified was vividly in my mind and I meditated on the real meaning of the apocalypse on that day. I had been looking forward to Dec 21st, 2012 for sometime, as I felt it was a doorway in time we were passing through, after which things would change. I wasn’t worried it was the end of the world as so many alarmists predicted but rather, I had a feeling it was to be the end of the world as we know it. I’m not gonna lie, that R.E.M song was in my head the whole time. I later learned that the root  of the Greek ‘apokalupsis’ , means revelation, or to uncover. All the new age-y spiritual texts I had been reading, as well as my own intuition told me it really was going to be the beginning of a new energy here on earth, into a new era of consciousness. What I didn’t realize was just how personal this journey would be.

I wound up purging from me physically, energetically and spiritually things that were no longer serving me that night and the process continued throughout the year. I felt so peaceful and light the next day, I didn’t want to mess up that feeling, so I became really careful about what I was putting in my body. The night of the party, I had eaten lots of things that I knew my body doesn’t really love: sugar, dairy, wheat, and some fish that tasted funny, but I didn’t spit out, cause I didn’t want to be rude. It was basically a disaster  waiting to happen, and the revelation that came to me through that was that I needed to lighten up and listen to what my body was telling me.

I spend the week after that dramatic night really enjoying my new found attention to my body and it’s desires, so I decided to make a practice and a project out of it. I spent the year listening to my body and it had quite a lot to say. Looking back I clearly see the magic of the solstice as well as that whole Armageddon energy at work here. Whatever you put your attention on during the solstice is what will be created during your year. I didn’t sew these seeds of intention consciously, but the organic timing of nature and the universe was certainly working through me here.

I’m not sure if my year was technically up on Dec 22nd or if it will be January 1st, 2014, but it doesn’t matter because it turns out it wasn’t a short term project with a final date of completion. It was really more the start of a lifelong journey of conscious co-operation, communication and honesty with myself.  It’s made my life so much better, in practically every way. I’m healthier, more peaceful and having more fun than I could have imagined by living in harmony with my body, mind and soul, connecting more deeply with my own inner wisdom every day. Sure it’s been kind of a pain in the butt sometimes, but the gifts that have come into my life have been so rewarding they’ve more than made up for whatever challenges I’ve faced.

by Cadencia Photography

Honestly, I couldn’t be happier with what my apocalypse revealed.

Gemini Full Moon Madness

I had weird little episode of super intense, unexpected emotion this evening that I wasn’t sure what to make of until I read this piece on the Gemini full moon from Virgo Magic.

photo from
photo from

I was enjoying a relaxing unscheduled evening off, deeply appreciating a bit of break after working 60 hours last week, (with 5 more shifts to go in the next three days before two weeks off!!!)

I was just about to make some dinner when I became kind of irrationally angry and upset. It was really hard to place the emotions at first. Things just felt like they were bubbling up inside me with no rhyme or reason. After a few minutes of talking with my amazingly supportive, loving and understanding husband (who basically just took over cooking for me so I could relax and figure out why I was suddenly in tears), I realized that everything I was feeling was surrounding my body image. I was frustrated by my ability to simultaneously hold unconditional love for myself and my body while still feeling inadequately not perfect enough.

I l felt all of our cultural and social expectations and beliefs about women’s bodies weigh upon me like a thousand pounds of sorrow. It was so odd, and seemingly came out of now here. I had to spend some time grieving for all of us. Afterwards I realized that I was releasing and clearing some heavy stuff not only for myself, but on behalf of humanity.

I didn’t realize why until I read this passage “…The Gemini Full Moon reveals thought patterns, mental tapes and belief systems that undermine our ability to listen to intuitive guidance and envision and create a more positive future…”

Body image and self love are huge issues for myself and people everywhere, but we are making so much progress. Every day I read some body positive article on facebook, and I see more and more people reaching out and supporting each other with love and compassion. We still have a ways to go, but I’m grateful for the full moon bringing this up for me, as frustrating as it was to be blindsided by all those intense feelings. I’m happy to be doing the healing work for myself and for the collective consciousness and I feel lighter now as well as more aware of just how deep some of this pain runs.

I’m excited to move forward into the new year with a renewed vow to love myself and my body in all ways, and to continue to show my love and respect by taking the best care of it that I possibly can, in all ways.


December’s Theme of Adjustment Has Been My Personal Theme This Whole Year!

December Sundog from wikipedia commons
December Sundog from wikipedia commons

I love when I read something that feels like it came directly from my own spirit.

December 2013’s theme of Adjustment, according to Lena Stevens from The Power Path, (which I first read on Mystic Mama ), speaks to what my personal mission has been all year .

“This month is about adjusting and realigning your life in a way that works better for you. It is about modifying, correcting, removing, adding, clarifying, accommodating, altering, revising and rectifying anything that needs adjustment based on YOUR TRUTH.
“It is about making small alterations and fine-tuning your intentions and action plans and paying attention to what is working and what is not. It is about moving everything into a better fit.

These words resonated so deeply with me. Just the day before I had posted a similar comment on my facebook in response to a friendly debate that started when I shared an article on alcohol use in the healing community  from Elephant Journal.

My treatise on any kind of substance use is for people to constantly be noticing how any substance they ingest, food, medicine, intoxicant makes them feel on every level; physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. I want to inspire people to pay attention to these feelings and to honor themselves by doing whatever serves their highest good. This reflection and self examination also isn’t a one time thing. What serves us the most changes from moment to moment. There is no one size fits all solution. It’s all about your own personal journey.

While I was talking specifically about things you ingest, I have expanded this philosophy to include everything within my life during the course of my project; my year long quest to listen to my body. I have tried to question everything in my life, releasing old patterns of behavior and thoughts that no longer suit me, and actively choosing the ones that do. This is the polar opposite of living in default mode, where we do the things we do, think the things we think and believe the things we believe because that’s what we’ve always done, or what we’re taught to do by our friends, family and society.

As I’ve explored my own truths over the last 11 months, I feel I’ve come to a deeper understanding of my own true essence. I now know my spirit’s real needs, wants, desires, dislikes and joys. It’s funny, but starting out I didn’t consciously realize that I’d wind up becoming intimate partners with my own self. I feel a deeper partnership with my mind, body and soul now that I’ve spent all this time in dialogue with different aspects of myself. I’ve made changes to the way I eat, sleep, exercise, work and play. I’ve done lots of expanding and lots of releasing. I also spent some time honoring all the work I’ve done, and all the things that I’ve consciously chosen to keep in my life. I invite everyone to allow for this kind of self inquiry and adjustment in their own lives. It’s a lot of work, but the results are so worthwhile. Living a conscious life of your own design feels absolutely amazing!

So please, take a few moments every day to decide how you want to live.  Every time you make a choice, or even just have a thought, you have the opportunity to craft your life into something that is truly and uniquely yours. Make your decisions by listening to your heart and let whatever doesn’t work for you fall away. If you aren’t sure what to do in any given situation, think of what would serve the highest good of all (including yourself). Choose your own adventure!!!

November Is Over! Do You Know What That Means?

December 1st today.
Image from


Here are my top 5 reasons why I’m happy it’s December, and I’m not including the fact that I have NOTHING I need to do today, although maybe that should be my number 1!

1- No Sugar November is OVER! Made it through with only a couple minor slip ups, like accidentally eating Honey Ham the whole time. Neither my husband nor I noticed until about the 20th. The take-away? Well, I realized that I feel fantastic without it.So fantastic I haven’t raced out to break the sugar fast. I’m still sugar free at 2pm today. I don’t know if I want to go back to my old ways. I’m not going to be so careful with things like sugar in a sauce, and I’m sure I’ll do the odd bit of raw honey here and there but I think I want to stay on this sugar free train for awhile longer. I did buy my husband a honeycomb to celebrate though. He loved it, and said now he knows why a bear likes honey!

2- The sun and the moon are in Sagittarius right now. I may be biased as my sun is in Sag, but I think it’s the most awesome sign, and I love the warm expansive fire energy it brings. Some info on what you can do with this Sagittarius new moon from Lisa Michaels right here.

3- My birthday is on Thursday, but my party is tomorrow. I’m going to go play at Edmonton’s new trampoline park, Launchpad! So stoked to go be silly and bounce my way into my 31st year!

4- Only a month to go in my project; the year of listening to my body. It’s been a wild and crazy ride, surpassing every expectation I had. I can’t wait to see what this last month brings.

5- Only 3 more weeks left of work (and they shall be crazy weeks, I’m sure). Then I’m on vacation from the 22nd of December till the 4th of January. We’re going to Cuba for a wedding on the 27th, and it will be the first trip away this year that’s purely recreational. I’m not sure what I’ll wind up doing with myself with no classes to attend or family to visit, but basically I get to go to a tropical island in the dead of winter with my husband and a bunch of our friends with no personal agenda (other than attending the wedding). Should be the perfect way to celebrate the end of this perfect year and to ring in the start of the new one!

Notice that Christmas is not in my top 5?  Well, it’s never been my fav, in fact, I used to hate it with a passion. I’ve healed that hurt though, and while it’s still not in my top 5, or even top 10, I’m not dreading Christmas this year, and that is a WIN for me!