Category Archives: Wisdom from Within

Revelations in Downward Dog: Changing My Inner Narrative

I have had a regular morning movement practice for quite a few months now. Usually I just do some yoga, sometimes I’ll incorporate some dance, or hoop dance. I’ve noticed how much better I feel when I do this every day. My energy is up, my mood is better and my ability to handle frustration is WAY higher.  Sometimes though, like last week, I start slacking a bit.  I woke up too late to stretch  a couple times on busy days or I just didn’t put in enough time or effort and only did a few poses before I sat down with my tea at the computer. When I was stretching, I wasn’t really in the moment. I was listening to a Ted Talk or a book on tape. Basically I was being lazy and disengaged.

Unfortunately, that slacking for those two weeks or so really affected my body. I started to tighten up, especially after work or hoop class. My feet and hips started to hurt. My alignment was off and I was sore. Then I really didn’t want to stretch, it hurt! I was less flexible and it was discouraging, but I made myself go through a really thorough stretch a few days ago and like magic, my body felt so much better. I was melting away the fuzz!!

Today, there was still some lingering tightness (fuzz)  in the back of my legs especially, and I wasn’t really enjoying downward dog at all. I thought about skipping on to some other pose, forgetting sun salutations completely. I thought about how much it sucked that this hurt so bad. I thought about how annoying it was that my body felt fine two weeks ago and how stupid it was that slacking a bit could result in so much pain.

Then suddenly I thought to myself, “You’re making this more difficult than it needs to be. In fact, you’re making it rather unpleasant!”So I switched around my inner narrative to “Man, this feels amazing. Stretching feels so good” I tried to really relax and let my breath carry away the resistance and tension in my legs. I kept repeating to myself affirmations about how good it felt, and drawing my attention to what parts did feel good and suddenly, it did!

By piddleville cc by 2.0
By piddleville cc by 2.0

Hanging in an upside down V with my butt up in the air, heels flat on the ground suddenly felt amazing! It was a good pain, just a gentle burning, the kind that fills you with endorphins (like eating spicy food or other slightly masochistic pleasures). I started to really enjoy myself!

Do bear in mind that this wasn’t actual pain I was experiencing. Just tightness and discomfort that needed to be stretched out. Actual pain in your body is a signal that something is wrong, and you need to honor that, and be gentle with your body.

The rest of my practice was wonderful. I started to really appreciate and enjoy the strength and flexibility in my body that was buried underneath that mental resistance. Surrendering completely to the moment, I felt my power and energy coursing through my body. This was in sharp contrast to how I felt a few minutes before hand as I dragged myself out of bed, wishing I could just sleep for another 10 hours.

It was just another beautiful reminder as to the power of my thoughts. They shape my reality completely. I should know this by now, but it’s so easy to forget. To get swept away, feeling powerless, when really, we have complete control of our reaction in every moment. The moment we switch our thinking from ‘This is hard! This sucks!’ to ‘This is awesome! I can do this, this feels great!” we invite in a sense of ease and grace that actually makes it awesome.

Culinary Gratitude

Food and I are on good terms nowadays.

These last few months of really listening to my body has (inevitably) lead me to healthier choices and I’ve stopped eating foods that disagree with me. It’s really nice to sit down to a meal without feeling conflicted about eating it, and it’s even nicer to not feel guilty after eating.  After years of fighting with my body and my conscience about food, it feels really good to feel good about what I’m putting inside me. I’ve always been a comfort and stress eater, and I’ve always loved food of all kinds, but not all of them loved me back (specifically wheat, dairy and refined sugar).

I’m not gonna lie. It  was hard to imagine giving up certain foods… I knew for years that my body wasn’t as OK with dairy as I pretended it was, but it didn’t make me feel as bad as wheat did, so I ignored that fact. I also didn’t want to live without ice cream but once I really started to pay attention to what foods made me feel good and nourished, it got easier. Once I cleaned up my eating, every time I chose to eat something my body didn’t like, I felt awful! I mean, physically just awful. My stomach protested and I felt gross. I won’t go into the details, but suffice to say, it was stinky.  Since I really hate feeling gross, the negative reinforcement has been super effective!

It’s taken 30 years, but I finally (for the most part) I pretty much only crave foods that make me feel good instead of terrible! I’m okay switching out dairy for coconut milk ice cream and sorbets, and to just go with goat cheese instead of cow’s milk cheeses. I’ve developed a taste for raw chocolate and fruit is sweet enough to satisfy me as dessert. I do need a certain amount of fat in a meal though, or I feel completely unsatisfied.

I’ve also started expressing my gratitude to my food. It’s come naturally as I’ve started to really appreciate how nourishing the right foods are to me, but I was inspired when I ate with a women in Bali who took a few seconds to bless her food before eating it. I know it’s a time honored tradition to bless food before eating it, but it’s one that I thought was kind of stupid when I was younger. Probably because it delayed the meal and I was usually eager to dive right in! I didn’t like to contemplate what I was about to eat and I’m sure part of that was because I was ignoring messages about how food was making me feel. I used to sneak food as a kid, especially chocolate and biscuits. I knew what I was doing was wrong on several levels, but sneaking it made me feel like I was getting away with something.

Now I try to remember to bless everything I eat. It’s a practice that really has been helping me with mindfulness.  I hold my hands close to the food, sending love and gratitude into it. Sometimes I use Reiki energy, and sometimes I silently say a prayer of thanks. Taking a few seconds to really pay attention to my food before I shove it into my face forces me to slow down and appreciate it. I’m pretty sure it makes it taste better too. Or maybe that’s just a function of slowing down long enough to really taste it. Either way, I’m grateful.

Challenge #3: Get Outside!

New challenge of the week:

I am going to take walk outside, alone and distraction free for at least 10 minutes a day. I walked for about 20 minutes today and it was glorious. So beautiful outside, with the snow sparkling in piles about 3 feet deep in some places. It was hovering around 0C, so no complaints on the temperatures at all.

The point of this challenge is to get some fresh air, and commune with nature, but also to spend time alone with a quiet mind so I can channel divine inspiration without any distractions. Like I had mentioned in an earlier post, most of my best ideas happen when I’m trying to fall asleep, or when I’m doing the dishes. It’s the only time my mind is really free. At the time of writing that post, I said I was ok with that, but I want to experiment and carve out more time alone with my thoughts and see what happens when I spend some time in the stillness of nature. I think it will help me to delve further into my work with the elements and the wheel of the year…. I love living somewhere with seasons. We just passed Imbolc, often called the beginning of spring, as it’s halfway between the winter solstice and spring equinox. It doesn’t feel anything like spring in Edmonton, but the days are getting longer and I feel so fertile with ideas it seems fitting that spring is close at hand!

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Wasn’t Expecting So Much Awesome!

NASA , ESA and H.Richer(UBC)
NASA , ESA and H.Richer(UBC)

When I woke up this morning I was more than a little annoyed at myself for setting up this movement meditation challenge.

All I wanted to do was settle into my normal day off routine of drinking jasmine green tea and eating breakfast while catching up on whatever happened online while I was sleeping.

As I was turning on the music (Bass Yoga vol. 1 -by HumenNature) to start my half hour practice, I actually said to my husband “I think I’m gonna hate this!”

I was stiff, sore and wanted nothing more than to stay in bed and be lazy. It’s C-41 outside, and I could feel the cold seeping in from the windows. The living room was chilling and seemed unwelcoming.

I stood barefoot in the center of the room, bundled up in sweats and a bunny hug, hood up- shielding me from the sun and the cold. I didn’t feel like moving at all, so  I closed my eyes and listened to the music, which opened with a soft and droning synth, and the sound of the ocean. It drew me into myself, and my breath deepened. The first long notes of the flute touched me  and I felt a deep yearning… A desire for comfort and connection. The melody lifted me away, out of that feeling and into something more like curiosity. I began to move, almost imperceptibly at first.

My attention was drawn to the cold stiffness in my hips, and I rocked them, swaying in a figure 8 pattern, holding my hands to my heart. The movements were smaller than I have ever made, it almost felt like I was merely imagining the movement, but heat started to gather in my muscles and they began to relax. The figure 8 my hips were drawing with their movement grew larger and my hands began to float upwards, rolling and twisting, gathering energy and bringing it back down to my core.

Everything felt deep, slow and easy. I had dreaded moving vigorously so early in my day and a flood of relief washed over me when I realized I didn’t have to. I could spend the whole time rocking gently side to side if I wanted. My movement meditation had no rules and once I surrendered my expectations of dancing and stretching, I could simply be present in my body and see how it guided me.

I spent quite a bit of time with these quiet, small movements; rolling my shoulders and chest with my feet planted firmly to the ground. As I warmed up, I moved more freely and played close to the ground as well as up on my toes, reaching for the sky.  I moved and swayed, stretched and dance. The pace of movement was languid and relaxed.  When I looked up at the time, I was amazed half an hour had already passed.  I considered continuing on but chose hop in the shower and reflect on the experience. Not to mention, I was getting hungry.

When I stopped I felt energized, grounded and at peace- completely ready to face my day. I was also incredibly excited to try it again tomorrow, because not only did it feel fantastic, but because I had so many flashes of insight-  Ideas that are going to guide this project and create new ones as well. The whole thing was inspiring, fun, joyful, uplifting and made my body feel amazing. I felt more present and aware than I ever do that early in the day. Those 30 minutes exceeded my expectations in every way and I’m so grateful and happy it actually brought a tear to my eye.

I’ve spent so much time knowing how important movement is to me personally, and years ago  I vowed to cultivate a daily practice, but hadn’t had the courage or discipline to start (or perhaps I just wasn’t ready). I knew intuitively it would be a powerful tool, but I was blown away by its potential today. This is a game changer.

It’s going to change me.

I’m not exactly sure how, but I can feel it coming.

I feel open and ready to receive all the wisdom and gifts this practice is going to bring, and I’m so excited. I never thought I’d be jazzed about getting up early, but I’m looking forward to tomorrow already. Just thinking about it has all the cells in my body literally radiating with joyful excitement. It’s a crazy buzz and this is going to be a crazy ride.

Love falling for the Sky by Ventry cc by 3.0
Love falling for the Sky by Ventry cc by 3.0

Radical Self Love

I figured it was time to explain the subtitle of my blog, Radical Self Love.

Now, it’s not quite as kinky as might sound, but it definitely deviates from social norms.

It’s about loving one’s self completely and utterly, even as society inundates you with messages that you need to change. To be more, to have more, to do this or that. Radical Self Love rejects all the messages from the world that say you are not good enough!

Radical Self Love means knowing that you are enough.

You are perfect in your imperfections and you don’t have to be anyone other than who you are.

It doesn’t mean you stop trying or striving to learn and grow as a person. It simply accepts that wherever you are in your evolution is where you should be.

For me, it means I have to stop being so damned hard on myself. I have always held myself to a very high standard. A standard so close to perfection, I inevitably fall short again and again. Every time I did, I would condemn myself to angry and hateful admonishment. I said the most awful things to myself.  I would never, ever speak like that to another person. But I saved all my compassion and understanding for everyone who wasn’t me. I called myself a fat, lazy stupid bitch more times than I care to remember just for being human.
The whole time I was being awful to myself, I was growing in my spiritual understanding. I came to recognize that the source energy underneath everything is love. I could feel the radiant love it all and loved everything right back. I had countless transcendental experiences where the love swept over me and the illusions of separation dissolved. With this oneness came unbiased, undefined, unending love. I felt the love sweeping into the darkness, the shadow sides of life and I began to understand them to be an integral part of the experience we are choosing to have.

I also came to know the essence of God within me; the same light and love- the source energy that resides within all of us. I started to remember who I really was. A spiritual, eternal being having a human experience, the universe, experiencing itself.

But I still sometimes treated myself like garbage.

The idea of loving myself as completely as I love everyone else didn’t occur to me until recently. I thought that in order to be a good person, to grow and evolve my soul, I had to be hard on myself. No one else would be, so it was up to me. The unconditional love I had only extended outward. The love I saved for myself was conditional.

Eventually, I started to connect the dots. If we’re all one, and all is love, then I must be as worthy of the loving compassionate kindness as every other being in the universe.

So, I decided to love myself as hard as I could. To strip away all conditions and love myself anyway.

It was a radical thought.

I also realized that to love myself fully, utterly and completely, I have to honor myself as well. I have to listen to my body as well as my heart and soul. I can’t ignore all the guidance I receive. I have to respect myself enough to believe that the messages I get from my body and my intuition are correct and wise. The project I’m working on this year, to listen to myself and my inner wisdom has made it much easy to honestly love myself. There is no dissonance to overcome, no loving ‘in spite’ of something… It’s all one love.

swami stream cc by 2.0
swami stream cc by 2.0

Radical Self Love is a radiant love.

It is compassionate, understanding, forgiving, peaceful, respectful,  joyful and divine.

It is steady, ongoing, inexhaustible, patient, present and kind.

It means listening to all aspects of the Self- body, mind and soul.

Being gentle with yourself.

Trusting yourself and the universe to fully support you.

Surrounding yourself with people who love and support you and removing yourself from negativity.

It means taking  care of yourself with proper feeding, watering, sunlight, exercise, fresh air and whatever else your body asks for.

Nurturing your abilities, and allowing your creativity to flow.

It means you are enough. You are perfect, even in your imperfections.

It means remembering and celebrating your divine nature.

It means you are free.

Everything is always OK in the End.

Back in November while I was doing the dishes. I had been absorbed in the moment, perfectly present and at peace it was like a moving meditation. The silence of my mind allowed a beautiful epiphany to shine through.

Now is the time to relax and let go of all your worries. They no longer serve you.  Everything is OK. Everything has always been OK. Everything will always be OK.

I’ve always known intellectually that everything always works out.  I often say “If it’s not OK, it’s not the end!” But as much as I believe that with philosophically and spiritually, I still wind up worrying.  Usually about money, which is stupid, because it’s never been a problem for me in my life. I save $$ every month, and still have more than enough for a comfy life. There really has never been a reason to worry, but it sneaks up on me sometimes when I’m feeling particularly tired or vulnerable. I also realized I worry far more whenever I have caffeine. The slight raising of my blood pressure seems to create this feedback look where I feel like I’m stressed, so I must be stressed and I find things to stress about. This is one of the reasons I’m sticking to green tea and chocolate as my biggest sources of caffeine these days.

With that message though, I felt as though my body finally caught up to my mind, and my cells finally accepted that there really wasn’t any point to worrying or stressing. I felt blissfully calm and peaceful for the next month or so. The buzz of that epiphany has worn off slightly, so I wanted to write about it to remind myself. Worrying about vague undefined potential future issues wastes energy, and does nothing constructive. If there is a problem, then I need to let myself feel the emotions surrounding it, and work towards fixing it, but just worrying for worry’s sake is unproductive. Actually it’s counter productive.

Don’t worry, everything little thing is gonna be alright!

At the end of this video there is a  little proof of my own optimism… This is called Kacie Hooping in March Snow (Facewash). From March 2011 (back in the day).

Tick Tock….

A few days ago, I was suddenly sideswiped by a giant ticking biological clock. It knocked me right on my ass,  sat squarely on my chest, crushing me… I could barely breathe! It  looked me straight in the eye and said “Tick Tock, motherfucker. Tick fucking tock.”

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It wasn’t the first time I had heard that phrase. Suddenly this feeling felt incredibly familiar and I flashed back to January 2011, when my body was sending me the same urgent message: HAVE A BABY! GET KNOCKED UP! DO IT, DO IT NOW!!!!!! Of course, it wasn’t a good time. My husband and I were getting married that summer, and we had a few things we wanted to do before starting a family, but mostly neither of us felt ready at all. Fortunately there was a timely article on Offbeat Families, one of my favorite blogs called “Babycrack: When wanting a baby gets weird”. http://offbeatfamilies.com/2011/01/babycrack  that helped me deal with the emotions then.

I still find in extremely comforting to read about the experiences other people are having with the same situation, so I went back to read all the comments on the article and noticed the menacing sentence uttered by my bio-clock was posted by another women trying to ignore her bio-clock too. I also noticed my own comments on the article.

Well, I was having a baby crack free day until I read this post. Now my eyes are welling up cause the desire to have a baby is sometimes like a physical ache.

I didn’t understand the whole biological clock thing at all until about two years ago. I was on the fence about having kids, until one day I was laying in bed with my fiance and I heard my DNA speaking to me. “Have his baby!” cried my genes.

Sometimes my rational mind can shut them up for a bit, but it’s getting harder. My rational mind knows that we have a plan and the plan is to start trying next spring… First we want to get married, go have a rocking time on our honeymoon, move to a bigger place so it’s not all stressful moving while I’m preggers… But it’s hard. Especially when my mom reminds me you can’t plan everything (I was an accident, as was my sister).

Just gotta keep popping my anti-baby pills. I now get my fiance to remind me via text half an hour after I’m supposed to take them, just in case I miss my phone alarm. I’m so paranoid I’ll miss a pill after somehow missing one last week.

Just keep breathing… One more year…

Note: This is from January 14, 2011. It was exactly 2 years, less 2 days ago from when this crazy feeling reared it’s head again.

Our plans had changed, and our window for when we wanted to start trying keeps being pushed back by the both of us… I started dancing so much more, and wanted to really put some time in taking classes, performing and teaching before taking time off to have a child. Also, the feeling of MUST PROCREATE NOW! had faded away so it was easy to just imagine having a child as something we would do later. Neither one of us wants to disrupt our very comfortable and happy lives with a little one at the moment.

Except, apparently, I do.

Or at least, my body does.

I’m still not fully ready. I have tons of travel plans over the next year. My husband is switching fields and going back to school. We’d like to save up more money. We both want more time with each other. The list goes on…

But, my body was literally screaming at me. I felt consumed by confusing and conflicting emotions. I’ve made a commitment  with this project to listen to my body, so I was afraid for a few days to actually have a dialogue with it. I was terrified my body would just lay it out for me. Because of the intensity of the feelings I was having, I expected my body so say This is it, the time is now. Let’s do this!

When I felt ready, I initiated a conversation with my body, and it turns out that the most important thing it wanted was to be heard. It wasn’t unilaterally deciding that this was happening now. It wasn’t going to circumvent my birth control and just make it happen (I really thought this might happen). Biologically, now is the time, but having a baby isn’t a purely biological process. It’s also a mental and spiritual process, for me and my husband. We still need a bit of time, but my body wanted to make me aware that this is fast becoming a priority so I’d better start getting used to the idea of sooner rather than later.

Because of my vow to listen to my body’s messages, I was able to take this startlingly violent message for what it was. An invitation to listen to my body’s biological clock and innate rhythms. Well, more of an insistence than an invitation, but that’s just because it’s an old message I had been ignoring for quite some time. It’s reminding me of what I am evolutionarily programmed to do. Simple acknowledgement was enough for the moment, but it’s also an opportunity to really put the effort in to prepare myself for something I’ll be doing soon enough.

lawrence Jesterson- CC by SA 2.0
lawrence Jesterson- CC by SA 2.0

Cocooned

Alice Popkorn-CC by2.0
Alice Popkorn-CC by2.0

I feel cocooned today.

Actually, I’ve kind of felt like I’ve been in a cocoon since the start of this year.

I don’t want to go out.

I’ve spent days inside my house, relishing every moment of peace.

It was a busy December, and I made it through without my usual dramatic break down or bah humbug moments. I was completely aware of the crazy cosmic energy that was being sent our way, and I could feel it in my soul and in my bones. The insane work schedule was easier to take this year, AND I would up with more money. All in all, I did very well keeping it together.

Now I feel like staying in, having quiet  days and even quieter nights. I’ve been productive though. I’ve been  working on some creative projects, putting together some dance workshops, working on choreography, listening to and collecting music, organizing and cleaning the house, starting this blog and watching a ton of Netflicks.

I’m happy to be at home, hibernating.

There are so many things I could be out doing, even tonight. Dance events, friends spinning at clubs, flow sessions… None of them have the same appeal as my cozy cocoon. Actually, as I contemplated making my way out into the cold to do something tonight, my body said Please stay in! Please?

That settled it, of course. I need to stay in right now. I feel like it’s important to be still, and to be by myself… I feel like there is a crystallization happening within me. There have been a lot of energetic shifts over the last few months. Great leaps forward! Humanity is resonating at higher frequencies, and it’s beautiful. It’s also been a little draining. It’s going to take a little while for my body to catch up and feel harmonized with all that is. I’m going to enjoy the time off and dream of this spring and summer when things will take off again.

For now, I’m just gonna enjoy looking out my window, and looking inward to see what’s coming up next!

Being a Stinker (And Other Lessons in Listening)

So…. I used to have a pretty awkward problem.

I was stinky.

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Seriously, I was incredibly flatulent. In a very gross way. It was often hilarious, but also highly inconvenient and all kinds of awful.

It really came to a head when I became a vegetarian about 10 years ago. It was so bad, I started taking digestive enzymes to help with it. I had started eating quite a bit more fiber and beans. Took my body awhile to get used to it, but it never really went away. Ask any of my ex’s or my old roommates, it was pretty excessive.

I didn’t think that it was indicative of some kind of issue though. I thought I was just a stinky gal and that was that. It wasn’t until my sister told me she was having issues with wheat/gluten that it even crossed my radar. I started paying attention to when I was stinky (which was most of the time,  making it hard to nail down), but eventually I noticed a correlation between eating things like pizza and pasta or drinking beer with being stinky later. I started trying to eat less bread and such for a while, but that was hard, especially as a vegetarian. I didn’t really change my diet at all. At least, not right away.

A year or two later  I noticed I was getting hives on the inside of my forearms. I thought it might be my laundry detergent, or bed bugs again (I had bed bugs once and had “hives” all over my body and spent a week trying to figure out what I was allergic to before waking up to one crawling on my face. Horrifying). Eventually, I started noticing  they would appear about 12 hours after I ate wheat. It took me awhile to notice/admit it to myself. It took even longer before I really made an effort to take it out of my diet.

I would eat gluten-free for a while and then I would cheat. It would go OK, so I would cheat a little more, and then more. All of a sudden, it would hit me and not only would I get stinky as all hell, and hivey (if that is a word) but other, less pleasant gastrointestinal symptoms popped up. I also became incredibly emotional. It was weird. I would get sad and mad and be basically kind of crazy for no apparent reason. I suspect my emotional instability has to do with the fact that it was making me sick in many ways and I just didn”t feel good. I get kind of crazy like this when I am coming down with the flu as well. I am not a good patient. I’m actually a huge baby when I’m sick. Good thing it’s not very often.

Anyway, I went through this cycle of eating gluten-free, then falling off the wagon over and over again, many, many times. It was during this time I started eating meat again (I always said I would be vegetarian as long as I remained happy and healthy without meat, but it seemed overwhelming to be both meat and gluten-free).  Every time I fell off the wagon and landed on a gooey delicious pizza, I felt worse  and worse.  It’s really only this last year that I’ve been very careful with it, but I still occasionally ate free chocolate cake at work whenever it came available. I was just aware of the sacrifice I would be making (it always seemed worth it at the time).

I had food poisoning on Dec 21,2012. I performed at a super rad Christmas party, stayed for dinner and had to leave around 9 and barely made it home in time. I was 4 1/2 pounds lighter in the morning. I had eaten a questionable piece of fish (I had noted it as a likely food poisoning culprit when I swallowed the rancid bite).  The next few days I ate very sparingly, and was super careful of what I put into my body. I questioned how everything was going to make me feel before I ate it. Any time I tried something that I wasn’t really sure about, sure enough, it hurt my stomach. I started realizing that my body had the answers, and every time I tried to overrule with my brain, it ended badly, with pain.

I felt so good when I listened to what my body really wanted to eat that I decided to just keep going with it. I wanted to explore more deeply and uncover whatever other pieces of wisdom I might find within this bag of flesh. I also started spontaneously loving my body more. Feeling good begets feeling good I guess.

Somewhere along the way, I realized I hadn’t had a drink in a few weeks. Whenever anyone offered me one I declined, remembering the awful sour taste of the wine I had drunk on the 21st as it came back up. I started to relish in my new-found clarity, and realized that the relaxing effect of even a glass of wine made me far less in touch with my body as well as far less productive. I realized my body never really wanted the alcohol. Sure, I love the taste of wine. I have my first Sommelier certification and truly enjoy all the wine babble, but as good as a glass made me feel, it didn’t make me feel good for long. I get sleepy and apathetic after the glass wears off, and if I keep drinking that’s a whole ‘nother set of issues that come up right there.

So, when I realized I wanted to pursue this radical self love project where I listen to whatever my body says, I realized it means staying stone cold sober. For the first time in my life, the idea was thrilling. I’m excited to see how much more productive I will be. In case anyone was interested,  I also no longer stink it up on a regular basis (but being human, I still have the odd moment.)

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Polite Conversations

I have started a dialogue with my body.

We have full conversations. Now that I’m good enough and willing to listen, it has a lot to say.

For the last few day’s, I’ve been checking in right when I wake up.

Brain: Good morning!

Body: Hmmm, ‘morning. Stretch me!

I stretch and yawn as I lie there, slowly rebooting myself, getting ready for the day.

Brain: I love you!

I realize I’m hugging myself gently, and it feels nice.

Body: Mmmm, I love cuddles.

I roll over and give my husband a good morning hug too. Might as well share the love.

It’s a nice way to wake up.

Once I’m out of bed, I ask my body “Want some  breakfast right away, or just tea for the moment?”

Today all I wanted was tea for the first hour I was awake. The last few days I was ravenous the instant I was awake.

I’ve been checking in on what to eat too.  “What would you like for breakfast?”

Some granola, coconut milk and a hard-boiled egg.

That was different and unexpected. I’ve had an over medium egg with a slice of gluten-free bread spread with natural peanut butter and some blackberry jam every morning for months. I guess my body is sick of the routine.  It was pretty tasty.

We’ve been having multiple conversations like this a day, every time I go to eat something. It’s been illuminating. I think I’m making better choices because I know I’ll be running them past my body first, but my body did surprise me. Yesterday afternoon I had eaten a couple Udi’s gluten-free chocolate chip cookies. Then later, I wanted more, so I asked how that would feel, expecting a No way, Jose! response, but I got a have ‘atter! instead.  After dinner, I had this unceasing desire for the last 2 cookies. Again, I was expecting a negative when I asked my body how it felt about that, but the reply came That’s fine if you eat some protein with it as well. I mean, it’s not ideal, but it’s not gonna be terrible either. Definitely won’t be a weight loss day though. Huh. Interesting. I ate the cookies along with 12 almonds. You know, I didn’t feel terrible after, but the sixth cookie wasn’t as tasty as the first 5 that day.

Laying in bed, before falling asleep I spent some time expressing love and gratitude to my body. In a dialogue, get your mind out of the gutters, hehe. But it was a lot easier to say “Body, I love you!” and mean it knowing I wasn’t gonna be denied copious amounts of cookies if I really felt the need to eat them.