I seem to have fallen into the rhythm of writing on both the new moon and the full moon.
I’m OK with that.
The pattern reminds me that life is rhythmic and cyclical in nature, and that I’m subject to those rhythms the same way the tides are. That idea brings me peace somehow. I think I’ve mentioned how disconnected I used to feel from nature as a child. Tuning into the rhythms of the wheel of the year, and lunar cycle helps me feel more like a part of the world. It also really helps me to know what to focus on when.
I love doing all the things. I want all of the awesome in my life, but you can’t focus on all of the things, all of the time. Following the rhythms of the moon, the stars and the planet gives me the chance to focus on everything in turn.
Right now, for example, the full moon is in the sign of Pisces, and the sun is in Virgo. Knowing those three things, I have I have a bit of an idea both of what to focus on and what to expect.
On the days leading up to the full moon, I was more emotional than I am normally, and I did some major releasing (and by releasing, I mean sobbing uncontrollably for an hour). It was surprising and it seemed to come out of nowhere, although my husband was easily able to tell me all the unresolved emotions I had about things that had happened recently. He’s so emotionally intelligent, and compassionate (at least when it comes to the people he loves) and I’m so very grateful for it. Seriously though, it was violently intense, I cried harder than I may have ever ried before… Afterwards I felt very empty. It was cathartic, and I had no idea how much tension and stress I had been carrying around for weeks/months..
When I read the words about this super moon from Divine Harmony (via Mystic Mamma), I felt both vindicated and comforted. She called this full moon “a waterworks full moon”.
“The Moon in any of the water signs is already very emotional, sensitive and receptive- but I would argue that Pisces is the most sensitive of all the signs…”
“With the Full Moon in Pisces we have a heightened sense of sensitivity– which could bring us to the point of bliss or to the point of pain and suffering.
“If you find yourself in tears leading up to this Full Moon- now you know why. (I think crying is good- it helps you to release all that you are holding onto.)
So… It’s not just me and I’m not crazy. Even though I knew that to be the case, there is something tremendously comforting about having that shared experience and having an explanation for it.
As I said, I felt a million times lighter after releasing so much. Did you know we actually release stress hormones in our tears? We are literally cleansing our bodies when we cry. There are tons of health benefits to tears, another reason not to try to keep it all in.
Anyway, I wasn’t quite done “releasing” and a few days later, when I was listening to a Songza bedtime playlist, a Mozart piece came on and I was instantly transported back in time to my Grandma’s last days in the hospital. I vividly saw her listening to one of her favorite Opera Arias. Then I started to remember so many other things, and I missed her terribly. I cried and cried again. This time, sobbing in the bathroom in the dark. I didn’t cry like this when she was dying, or after she passed, because I rationally knew how it was time, and that I would still be in contact with her energy, etc, etc. I cried, but not like this..
These were the tears of my inner child, who missed her terribly. I let myself cry and then, suddenly, as always seems to happen, I was finished and felt lighter again, and at peace.
I don’t think I could have cried like this all those months ago. The timing needed to be right, and the stars needed to align and then I really didn’t have a choice in the matter. The tears just came.
So, if you have anything you’ve been saving up, emotions you’ve been hoarding, or rationalizing away… This is the perfect time to let them out. Let yourself really feel them. You won’t drown in them, but once you really let yourself feel them, they’ll move through you and out of you. Opening up space for whatever happens next.
The full moon is always such an interesting ride.